The First Grader.....

Stumbled across this old joke. Long, yet quite funny! ( BTW .. IIM Ahmedabad is currently the best B-School in India, in case you haven't heard of it)

A beautiful teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. teacher asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Teacher had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test..
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at teacher and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Teacher says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Teacher asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'


Teacher : 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Teacher : What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Teacher : What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Teacher : What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands

Teacher : You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Teacher : A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Teacher : I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Teacher : I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Teacher : What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck

Teacher : What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork

Teacher : What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?
Boy.: SURNAME.

Teacher : What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to
IIM AHMEDABAD,
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'.

Please help....

Uncyclopedia ::: get all ur "Un-Knowledge" Here !!!

Hmmm, random web-surfing leads you to some pretty wierd/novel/funny/shocking/yada yada sites. I found Uncyclopedia on one such random ride atop a strange wave in the vast "Internet-ic" Ocean....

Welcome to Uncyclopedia,
the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit.
24,014 articles in English

.... are the words which welcome you on the home page ....leading you on to unlearn virtually everything that you have learnt since childhood...
A parody of the Wikipedia...this wiki of satire aims to be as expansive as its analogous site....and also operates in a pretty similar manner...'cept for the fact that the authors are supposed to write nothing but the absolute fiction about anything in the world (without being offensive of course, ...the times being troubling as they already are)...

Well, I found that I was behaving pretty much the same as in Wikipedia, wer I'd start in some random topic and keep drilling and wandering till I reached some wierdo page which is completely unrelated to wat I came searching there for in the first place...albeit the difference being that none of the pages were fact( fiction at its purest!!)...in general, the experience was quite fun ..though I found some articles too ridiculous to be funny (Guess i am too "smart" !!...hmmm now thats a fiction that'd make a good entry there heh heh).. Anyways, here's an excerpt which I think made quite a splash when it was published in the wiki :

The One True Monster

The Flying Spaghetti MONSTER is only called such because of his distinctly non-human form; we were not created in his image, not by a long shot.

“Let us sing praise to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, for He is a loving God. Of His might and dominion, there is no compare; of His mercy and deliciousness, there is no equal. No other god can challenge Him; in the taste test, He is invincible. Through His pasta, He has blessed us with everlasting life, and holy is His Name. For He is the Flying Spaghetti Monster: the One, True, and Most High God, creator of man and midgit, giver of pasta, giver of sauce, from age to holy age; not created He was, but ever He lives, through the glory of spaghetti, now and forever. R'Amen.”

~ Ishmali Camuwundra on the Flying Spaghetti Monster

Here's the Wikipedia page on its parody....

I think the wiki's worth one visit atleast .... to see how imaginative ppl can really be !!!

Software Career Growth Meter... Where do you Stand??:::email forward

Ha ha !..I got this picture few days back in my mail...still at awe how the foto actually imitates real life!!!

keep watching this space, i have a good post related to this comin up in a few hours....hope u'll love it.....ciao

A Judge's Dilemma ::: An E-mail forward

I got this forwarded mail the other day...kinda seemed interesting enough to post....

In a small town, a person decided to open up a liquor shop, which was right opposite to a church.

The church & its congregation started a campaign to block the liquor shop from opening with petitions and prayed daily against his business.

Work progressed. However, when it was almost complete and was about to open a few days later, a strong lightning struck the liquor shop and it was burnt to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the liquor owner sued the church authorities on the grounds that the church through its congregation & prayers was ultimately responsible for the destruction of his liquor shop, either through direct or indirect actions or means.

In its reply to the court, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection that their prayers were reasons for the act of God. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented:

'I don't know how I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, we have a liquor shop owner who believes in the power of prayer and we have an entire church that doesn't.'

The Gambler

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"