9 Safe investments in India for a middle income householder

Hmmm, I was looking for some 'safe' investment options for investment in these troubled times of bad politics and worse market fluctuations ...when I came across this kinda old article in rediff.com(Which in turn, had been taken by rediff from Sunil Dhawan, Outlook Money).. Well, reading it turned out to be pretty interesting and worth sharing as it not only listed out the options but also mentioned the pros and cons of the stuff. It even featured some of the commonly held myths on investments and busted them... and so without further ado, here is the link:
"The 9 safest investments for you"

Just to summarise, as per the article, the 9 safest investment options are:

  1. Bank Deposits (the usual suspect)
  2. Public Provident Fund (a very good tool when you desire to have a certain amount of tax saving edge to your investments)
  3. National Savings certificate. (good tax saving tool which can tailored for every pocket, easy to procure and for people who are not looking for a regular income kinda outcome to the investment)
  4. Senior Citizens Saving Scheme (one of the best tool for retired individuals)
  5. Post Office Monthly Income Schemes (another reliable and easily available scheme. albeit, personally I feel the ROI is a little bad).
  6. 8 per cent Taxable Savings Bonds (these are an alternative to the Post office scheme with a half yearly interest payment option and no upper investment limit)
  7. Kisan Vikas Patras (interest on this tool is fully taxable but it has been a reliable item to investment when looking to supplement existing investments to have something set aside for a future expenditure)
  8. Time deposits (available from both banks and Post Offices. not very attractive tools where interests are fully taxable better to go for section 80c enabled FD tools)
  9. Recurrind depostis (another tool available from both Post Offices and Banks. Banks offer the more attractive option in this)

The First Grader.....

Stumbled across this old joke. Long, yet quite funny! ( BTW .. IIM Ahmedabad is currently the best B-School in India, in case you haven't heard of it)

A beautiful teacher was having trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade class. teacher asked,'Boy. What is your problem?'
Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade.My sister is in the third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th Grade!'

Teacher had enough. She took the Boy to the principal's office. While the Boy waited in the outer office, teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.
the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test..
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Boy.: '9'.

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Boy.: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade should know. The principal looks at teacher and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to the 4th grade.'

Teacher says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.
Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Teacher asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?
Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'

Teacher : 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
Boy.: 'Pockets.'

Teacher : What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?

Boy.: Coconut

Teacher : What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?
The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer, Boy was taking charge.

Boy.: Bubblegum

Teacher : What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer...
Boy.: Shake hands

Teacher : You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
Boy.: Tent

Teacher : A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first.
The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large Patiala Vodka peg.
Boy.: Wedding Ring

Teacher : I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, you feel good.
Boy.: Nose

Teacher : I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.
Boy.: Arrow

Teacher : What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?
Boy.: Fire truck

Teacher : What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K' & if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.
Boy.: Fork

Teacher : What is it that all men have one of it's longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

Teacher : What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!'.

Unable to attract a single girl, frustrated man sues Axe

New Delhi. In what could prove to be a major marketing and legal embarrassment for Hindustan Unilever Limited (HUL), a 26-year-old man has filed a case against the FMCG company, which owns the Axe brand of men grooming products, for 'cheating' and causing him 'mental suffering'. The plaintiff has cited his failure to attract any girl at all even though he's been using Axe products for over seven years now. Axe advertisements suggest that the products help men in instantly attracting women.

Vaibhav Bedi, the petitioner, also surrendered all his used, unused and half-used deodorant sprays, perfume sticks and roll-ons, anti-perspirants, aftershaves, body washes, shampoos, and hair gels to the court, and demanded a laboratory test of the products and narcotics test of the brand managers of Axe. Vaibhav was pushed to take this step when his bai (maid) beat him with a broom when he tried to impress her by appearing naked in front of her after applying all the Axe products.

No girl ever asked Vaibhav to call her

"Where the !@#$ is the Axe effect? I've been waiting for it for over seven years. Right from my college to now in my office, no girl ever agreed to even go out for a tea or coffee with me, even though I'm sure they could smell my perfumes, deodorants and aftershaves. I always applied them in abundance to make sure the girls get turned on as they show in the television. Finally I thought I'd try to impress my lonely bai who had an ugly fight with her husband and was living alone for over a year. Axe effect my foot!" Vaibhav expressed his unhappiness.

Vaibhav claims that he had been using all the Axe products as per the company's instructions even since he first bought them. He argued that if he couldn't experience the Axe effect despite using the products as directed, either the company was making false claims or selling fake products.

"I had always stored them in cool and dry place, and kept them away from direct light or heat. I'd always use a ruler before applying the spray and make sure that the distance between the nozzle and my armpit was at least 15 centimeters. I'd do everything they told. I even beat up my 5-year-old nephew for coming near my closet, as they had instructed it to keep away from children's reach. And yet, all I get is a broom beating from my ugly bai." Vaibhav expressed his frustration.

Vaibhav claims that he had to do go a lot of mental suffering and public humiliation due to the lack of Axe effect and wants HUL to compensate him for this agony. An advocate in Karkardooma court, who happened to mistake Vaibhav for some deodorant vendor when he entered the court premises with all the bottles, has now offered to take up his case in the court. HUL has been served a legal notice in this regard.

HUL has officially declined to comment on the case citing the subject to be sub judice, but our sources inform that the company was worried over the possible outcomes of the case. The company might argue that Vaibhav was hopelessly unattractive and unintelligent and didn't possess the bare minimum requirements for the Axe effect to take place. Officially HUL has not issued any statement, but legal experts believe that HUL could have tough time convincing the court.

"HUL might be tempted to take that line of argument, but it is very risky. There is no data to substantiate the supposition that unattractive and unintelligent men don't attract women. In fact some of the best looking women have been known to marry and date absolutely ghoulish guys. I'd suggest that the company settles this issue out of court." noted lawyer Ram Jhoothmalani said.

Please help....

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